There she is, my passion in better times. Now she sits out on my porch with a flat gathering dust. I am ashamed and saddened every time I see her. i have got to admit, it is become easier to live through the adventures of others than to gt off my own fatass. That is my new trademarked word, fatass. There is a mile of difference between wanting and doing, and I am slowly learning that at the pace of molasses being poured out over a straight razor. Too slowly. I still end most days with a coke, a smile and maybe a doughnut, CAUSE I EARNED IT. Lame.
Regret can be real, dangerous and deceiving. But it can also teach us things. the act i have only recently learned is that it is best to let go of regrets as soon as possible. I actually learned it years ago from the friends of Bill W. but it means more to me today than it did in my fledgling sobriety, oddly.
Regrets can run the table from not thinking something through and making assumptions, or telling someone something that you shouldn’t or doing something stupid. It can be for not doing things either; but we are all human and we all have our regrets. In order to heal myself mentally, i am going to list some of mine, in order to purge them from my attic once and for all:
Not demanding $1000 up front and a pistol 20 years ago, before he skipped town. Sonofabitch.
Not calling my dad, dad, until I was an adult
Not being as close to my kids as I should
Not being careerwise where i should
Watching the movies Mama, Last Exorcism and god forbid I am sure I will watch it soon, Last Exorcism 2
Not playing soccer more
Not being athletic
Not following through on my writings 20 years ago
Not riding my bike near enough
Funny thing is, we can look back and say yep, should have gone left but went right. We always have way better hindsight. Looking at this list of regrets makes me feel better. No it is not complete, but looking at these, about 4 of them I can change easy, very easy and that is what I am going to do.
Honestly, I have a long way to go, and i cannot even look how far I have come because I am still in the starting blocks, even 3 weeks into this project. admittedly, stalling, but not stopping. Today though, even though I am not showing it, I am happier than I have been in a while. Namaste.
WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS AND REGRETS?