The One Where I am Reborn

Nice Burka, eh?

Nice Burka, eh?

What if there were no tomorrow’s?  Shit, I’d be screwed.  I have so many things to do tomorrow like learning to paint, going camping ,eating right, lifting weights, reading ‘1984’ one more time, hanging out with Bellina, making love in the afternoon to my wife while it rains, watching Adam graduate, watching Anthony graduate, watching Autumn graduate, watching Ayden graduate.

I would be so out of luck if I ran out of tomorrow’s; I still have to hike Turtlehead peak, the Grand Canyon, the Subway in Zion, The Discovery Trail to remember one great month, Ice Box Trail to remember that I could do it and did it, and little old Calico Tanks to remember that once I was amazing and to remind me of my wedding day.

I hate to sound like stupid old Garth Brooks, but damn it I’d be pissed if Tomorrow never came.  I am waiting to take my first step in losing 200 pounds, graduating college, buy a house, travel to England, travel to San Francisco, travel to Vancouver, travel to Japan, to run my Ironman race, to go deer hunting with my family as a man, to make then drink then laugh at my first homemade craft beer, to buy my wife’s first photography book, to see her gallery opening, to fly in a helicopter, to ride a mechanical bull, to play in the WSOP, to skinny dip with Amanda, to eat fish tacos in Puerto Penasco, to own a VW Van.

I had a busy day planned but I wanted to wait until tomorrow.  I wonder if this last year my grandmother and grandfather had these thoughts.  No, they had lived and loved and went peacefully (I miss you so much).

That reminds me, tomorrow I have to call my kids to tell them I love them, call my mom and dad and tell them I love them, call Mimi and Mark and tell them I love them, call grandma and grandpa T and tell them I love them; so many calls to make tomorrow, maybe just a letter or a Facebook post of love for some of the rest because I am blessed with such a big loving family that I get to talk to real soon, after tomorrow.

But what happens if I do not have tomorrow, do I have time today to do all of that and to go BASE jumping, sailing in my own sailboat, fishing with my kids and their kids, go dancing with my wife, give my finger my company and start my own business, drink that awesome cup of coffee I roasted and brewed myself.

I can wait until tomorrow, but what if I couldn’t?  How would that feel, how empty of a shell would I be to know that I could have gotten well into my tomorrow’s to do list today, if I would have just stopped being too lazy, too interested in eating that cookie, too busy at work, too selfish.  What a shell I would be if that were true, right?

Well eff that, that sounds like dog shit.  I am not dead, I am a mad screaming Man of the world who, though down, has a vig of life left in his soul and I CAN and I WILL be possible again, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, but right frigging now.  Right now I declare my own independence from my tired sorry assed attitude built on fear and self-loathing.  Today I grab hold of the hand being held out to me and I lift myself out of the muck. I M Possible, and I am Mike “Mr. Amazing” Hildebrand, damn glad to know you.

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