Children Hear Things

Let’s be honest, I do not have that many faults.  One or two, maybe, but the biggest is that the interlocker that stops my mouth from engaging before my brain begins, fails me so much.  Sometimes, to comedy relief, like when I tell people that a good night ALWAYS ends with an opium den.  But sometimes my mouth goes horribly off the reservation.

I have 4 very intelligent, charming and loving kids and one demon baby – who have heard all they want to hear about the following:

Ass Rape, Bent by Beckham, pornstache, upper-decker, graping, rape in general, killing, taking fingers as a form of punishment, gay Jesus,  Gay Elmo, Pimp Elmo, Pimping ain’t easy, wanking, dirty sanchez, salad tossing, tranny’s…

Well, you get the idea.  Did i mention my kids range from 20 to 1 and I believe I have influenced most of their own creative decisions in one way or another.  Take for example this cheery sentiment from my Son’s Facebook page.  I swear, i could have written this:

OK, the CAT meme was Amanda's idea, but the text is straight from AJ.

OK, the CAT meme was Amanda’s idea, but the text is straight from AJ

This leads me to believe that my kids are listening to me way more than i realize, and even though I revel in the joy of teen and pre-teen faces lighting up at my off-color jokes, I probably should chill.  I present to you now, uncut and in its rough form, the story I found on the Laptop as I came on to scan Facebook or MSN.  I am the Mike in this story I believe, and the author is a ten-year old Emo girl named Autumn.  This could have gone way bad, like, counseling sessions bad – but it still shows i need to draw the line.  Enjoy, and enjoy your weekend:

I leave it in tact, exactly as she wrote it

I leave it in tact, exactly as she wrote it