The One Where I Have Come To Some Decisions (45 / 365)

My first bathroom selfie

My first bathroom selfie

If you are a casual follower, or a more seriously demented person and stalk my silliness on this page, you may have noticed my absence for two days.  This was by design.  I was thinking of stopping this project.  I was thinking about whether the direction of this project was actually helping me achieve my goals or just me being a dipshit.

Well, to be honest, I am exactly where I was 45 days ago.  BUT, that is not my blogs fault, it is my own self deprecation.  I hd forgotten what this blog was about.  Sharing and telling my experiences and associating that with pictures to learn to love myself.

Well, with that said, I am perfectly back and done with my self-indulgence.  I will ensure I am post my picture and some words of things I have learned or done along the way.  Thanks for putting up with my off days.

Namaste.

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The One Where I Am Small (42 / 365)

Hello Kitty, meow.  Wow, I am a dork.

Hello Kitty, meow. Wow, I am a dork.

Small victories.  In life we have choices, my boss likes to say arbitrary things like “Chose the hill you want to die on”, especially when I am asking for something at work, or when he is defending our work.  It implies a large battle, the opposite of a small victory.  What is the difference between a major and a minor victory?  Not as much as you’d think.

Weight loss for one is an ongoing string of small victories.  It is fighting for each pound and recognizing EVERY choice you make impacts that line. It is knowing that you are in it for life and the race may never end, you may have to run this marathon the rest of your life.

Thinking of weightless as a large victory means you are on a diet, and chances are, you probably will gain it back.

Small victories commonly have huge payoffs, big rewards in emotional well-being and satisfaction, even if sometimes it is a little smug.  Early on in my weight loss, I would turn down alcohol or cake for example, and wonder why I was better than those around me.  The smugness wore off, but the feeling of pride that I was able to maintain my choices made me feel awesome.

That became my problem.  For me, three years ago now, I knew that I just had to move and stop eating pizza every day.  I did it for a week and it was a small victory that felt huge.   I started putting together strings of these little wins and realized I was creating a big win.  But then my focus became like a gambler.  If you have ever gambled or been addicted to gambling big, you will know this feeling.  Why bet $1.00 and win $1-$2 at a time, if I bet $50, I will win $50. 

That is how my weight loss turned, I stopped cheering for my small victories like my ex-wife’s jaw dropping when she saw that I had lost over 110 pounds when we bumped into each other, or, the first day I was able to ride my road bike all the way to work and home and I didn’t feel like dying.  These were huge in reward and payoff, but still little wins.  I traded them in though for the big win, and I crapped out. 

I LET life happen to me and allowed myself to accept loss, and chose poorly.  I am fat again solely on the bad choices I have made for the last twenty months.  It is time again to relish and love the small rewards, and in fact love ALL of the small things in my life, again.  It is getting in the pool and swimming four laps in good form.  It is finishing out a 40 minute indoor bike ride.  Hell at this point, I will take showing up at the gym as a small victory.

I just told my wife I needed a small win, and she asked what kind.  I hope this answered her.  It is now my responsibility to go get it.

Namaste.

 

 

The One Where I am Hardly Routine (39 / 365)

I brew my own, but love Starbucks cups, I am a junky

I brew my own, but love Starbucks cups, I am a junky

Here I am, like Burroughs, a junky to my own routine.  Sunday mornings are awesome to me, it is like the twilight of the day where the light is golden.  I know that within 24 hours, the work-a-day grind begins again, but I fight for my last hurrah with coffee and internet in hand.  It is my routine.

Some routines are good, like washing your funky self, brushing your teeth and loving – a lot of routines are good, as long as they do not consume you every waking moment like working out, drinking, etc.  Some are just bad.

WHAT ROUTINES IN YOUR DAILY LIFE WOULD YOU CHANGE?

This week I will trade routine for unexpected opportunity and laziness for work (on myself).

Namaste

The One Where I am on a Date (38 / 365)

Nerd Glasses

Nerd Glasses

My wife and I have not been on a date in a long time, so when Mom and Pop In Law offer, we jumped on it.  Today has not been necessarily about physical health, but the quiet time and alone time we get until 2 PM, is completely a mental health check.   Our own mental health is just as important as the physical, and I feel so much stress relief tonight, makes me look forward to the bike ride and other tomorrow morning, followed by quiet time at the pool.  Until 2 PM.  Did I say that yet?  Tee-He.

We saw Man of Steel by the way, excellent.  It was not in 3D, I am helping her on a photo scavenger hunt for ClicknMoms.com.  Go see Man of Steel.  Seriously, now.

Namaste

The One Where I Am Sharing (37 / 365)

GOOD LORD!  2 AM?

GOOD LORD! 2 AM?  Utter look of disgust

My mother and father-in-law believe and share with us and their friends and family that things that occur in life can be lessons or blessings, and I love them for that.  With that being said, I was blessed today to share the gift of exercise and motivation with my sons Adam (15) and Anthony (13), both going on 30.

Inspired by the words of the Officer of the Henderson Police Department at 2:35 AM this morning, “As long as there are no bruises or broken bones, Corporal Punishment is still legal in Nevada“.  good to know and well played Mr. Officer, you get a policeman “A”.  I figured i had better tools than beating my two boys for being picked up at 2:00 AM, running through the sprinklers in a park over a mile from our house, like taking away the XBox and cellphones.

(INTERLUDE:  You read that right, the geniuses were running through gray water at 2 AM, I AM truly blessed that is all that they were doing)

So I took their electronica, but as I went to work tired, and no energy I thought back to the days of boot camp and was truly inspired.  It became obvious to me that the boys were not getting enough physical activity during the day.  So when I got home, I ensured that they were fully hydrated and had a bottle of water and took them back to the park.  It was a nice balmy 85, pretty cool for this time of year in Vegas.

If you never played football or were in the military, you have no idea what grass drills are; but if you have ever heard the words “Front! Back! GOOOOO!” screamed at you for ten minutes, you know what kind of workout the boys had.  I had them falling on their face, flipping onto their backs and doing flutter kicks just to jump up and run in place or fall right back down for some push ups.  it was kind of awesome and I got a Drill Sergent Boner, it explained a lot about Drill Sergent Cashion and his hatred of me.  Once we were done with that, and they thought it was time to get back into the car, I told them they would be jogging home and had 7 minutes to get there.  1.2 miles by road, probably .75 by secret boy back way method.  They made it in 8.

After letting them cool off, I mean, they were red and sweaty; I had them refill their water bottles and took them for phase two at the park almost two miles away that has a splash pad (water feature).  Once there, we commenced grass drills on the splash pad in front of about a dozen little kids in swimsuits who had never seen anything as funny as two teen boys doing push ups, rolling around and running in place all while water is spraying them.  I had an accomplice as about 5 minutes in, the water shut off – the little boy looked at me, and smiled.  Adam and Anthony thought they were over, but my new friend caught my nod and turned the water back on.  Front! Back! GOOOO! I had the little kids laughing and yelling along with me.  Once done, time for one last jog.

It took them 30 minutes to get home, and I greeted them with Gatorade and explained to them why boredom is not a valid reason to sneak out at night and that there are real dangers and evil in the world and when the police call at 2 AM, instantly your heart sinks.  I shared with them, that though I was please it was just sprinklers, this scared me shitless and I am not able to protect them when they sneak out.  Both boys got some tears and apologized profusely and we have put this behind us.  I think the physical fitness plain tired them out, and was a good lesson.  I kind of feel like doing some canon cockers now.

Namaste.

Singular Sensation (Daily Prompt)

The Daily Prompt asks me today,
“If one experience or life change results from you writing your blog, what would you like it to be?”

This is an easy one for me.  my blog is all about change and inspiration and motivation on the outside.  But I am taking pictures of myself and those things around me becasue I feel ugly.  I have so much self loathing that the only way I feel I can make a change and stop the downward spiral my own psyche has been in over the last year is to force myself to see and RECOGNIZE the value I add to those around me, to stop overanalyzing and live life instead of report on my friends life.

I lost a lot of weight, I mean, like Extreme weightloss challenge weight nearly and then gained it back.  I feel I let a lot of people down who were counting on me and who looked up to me.  i thought I was inspiring, but truly there has always been a piece in my life missing.  Something that makes it so I cannot look into a mirror or let people photo me or take compliments.  I have never loved what I have to offer.

Spo, easy, the one result from my blog at the end of the year for Weightloss 365, will be that I like myself for all that greatness within me, that I have covered up for 40 years.

Namaste.

Here are some other great posts in this thred:

    1. Bougainvillea in late afternoon light |
    2. A Letter To The Mayans | That Girl Ryan
    3. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation « Mama Bear Musings
    4. Daily Prompt: A Chorus Line? | Mama Spaghetti
    5. Eagle’s Wings | Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Being a Huntress
    6. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation – Chicomallorca’s Blog
    7. Daily Prompt: Singular | Books, Music and Movies : my best friends
    8. Singular Sensation | Geek Ergo Sum
    9. Frank, The Sensational Blogger (short fiction) | The Jittery Goat
    10. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Icezine
    11. Dreamer [Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation] | unknowinglee
    12. Resume??? | downtownnokomis
    13. 12 July Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | family photos food & craft
    14. Singular | The Magic Black Book
    15. Gooooooooooal! | Sorta-Ginger
    16. Singular Sensation | The Nameless One
    17. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | MyBlog – solaner
    18. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Under the Monkey Tree
    19. Singular Sensation: Sobriety | mentalrollercoaster
    20. A Single Strand | windandlaughter
    21. SINGULAR | f8 and Be There
    22. The one change that will change the world… | The Rider
    23. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Indira’s Blog
    24. Grow | Hope* the happy hugger
    25. Create an inspiration | Melanie Ryding – Ryding2Health BLOG
    26. Experience | Tony’s Texts
    27. There is only one life, so LIVE IT! | Journey to New Zealand
    28. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | suzie81’s Blog
    29. How Blogging Has Changed Me | Stuphblog
    30. Life Changer | Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Catherine B.’s Blog
    31. FANatic! | My Experiments with Words
    32. the UNCATEGORISED: DAILY PROMPT | the TRASH BASH
    33. Singular Sensation: Friendship | Khana’s Web
    34. Daily Prompt: Just One Goal | My Daily Prompt Blog
    35. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
    36. Rescue All! | Haiku By Ku
    37. Being in contact with you | Vivir, que no es poco
    38. Daily Post Prompt: Sensation | Stephii G | StephiiG
    39. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | mrnsdasilva013 (ARTESANATOS)
    40. Raindrops keep falling on my head.. | Relax…
    41. A picture from Pamplona | Vivir, que no es poco
    42. The quiet week | Completely Disappear
    43. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation (for me or for others…or both?) | “Music is what feelings sound like.”
    44. Slam on the Brakes, Pull Over, Take the Picture
    45. If I were moving on… | Rob’s Surf Report
    46. Life change: losing control, gaining balance | pencil pilot
    47. Making a difference | mindurspirit
    48. My mind and my baggage carousel | tornin2’s Blog
    49. Singular Sensation – Me!!! | Randomness Expressed
    50. Singularity | clarior e tenebris
    51. One, singular sensation | Notes from a gay mentalist
    52. Daily Prompt: Singular Sensation | reyoflight

The One Where I am 10% (36 / 365)

Early morning loving

Early morning loving

Actually 9.86%, but who is counting?

I posted yesterday about being in a hurry, and I am going to continue on that thread.  Today, my wife and I woke up really early, and so did everyone else it appears.  I have been thinking I am behind, if that is possible, in my weight loss and I need to hurry things up.  That is preposterous.  Indeed, I am a not doing everything I can do right now to get to where I want to be in 329 days, but I have time; but it must start today.

I find that if you try to hurry your weight loss or have TOO lofty of a weight loss goal, you will lose weight but it comes back – the Yo-Yo effect.  Also, skinny is not fit.  I am looking to be fit.  I want to have the body I need to do triathlon, surf, bike, run, play with my kids and hike the shit out of these here mountains.  I don’t need to be skinny, I need to be healthy and fit.

I am not in a hurry, not should I be.  I am hoping to average 2.5-3 pounds weekly over the course over the year.  of course at first i will be losing more like 5-6 pounds, but that tapers off pretty damn fast, and that is something not to hurry.

I am also not in a hurry to see these two girls grow up.  Sooner than later, they will be driving, dating, marrying, get pregnant, etc.  I do not think my heart is ready for that.  Today diapers, tomorrow a shotgun.  These are two of the many reasons for me that I want to lose weight.

Namaste.