The One Where I am Loving (34 / 35)

Pardon me sir, is that a doodie on your upper lip?

Pardon me sir, is that a doodie on your upper lip?

The woman in this picture is my wife, I have had two before her, but she is the one.  Today is her birthday, so we will not mention the other two again.  In its strictest measure this picture is still a perfect part of my Weightloss 365 project.

This has been and always will be one of my favorite photos of us.  We had known each other for about 2 months and it was shortly after this when I knew I was in love with her, and four months later I would very nearly lose her except I was crafty enough to get her over to my house one last time and touch her face.  It made her cry and we decided we were not over.

About ten months after this picture, I ask her to marry me.  Ten months and a week after this picture, we found out we would be welcoming a gummy into the house.  And it was thirteen months and three days later that I would marry her.

This picture captures us as we want to be, full of mirth, activity and fun.  Sure we have a baby – but we have weathered the first year and now she can be baby sat.  This captured the fun we had at Insurgo Theater which has unfortunately folded with most of the troupe going into the wind or players at Cockroach Theater.

We read about a group of folks who took pictures of themselves at various places with mustaches on sticks, we still have the mustaches.  Perhaps we should pull them out again soon.

Amanda has seen me on my way down in weight, meeting me when I was about 310 pounds all the way down to the runner at 245 pounds and now unfortunately, at my worst, back up to 355 pounds.  That is twenty-five pounds from where I started this nastiness seven months before this picture was taken.

I am looking at her now, on her thirty-fourth  twenty-ninth birthday by the glow of computer light, with our baby between us as we post blogs.  Together separately, she smiles at me from time to time and mouths “I love you” and my heart skips a beat – she is my best friend, my wife, my lover, mother of my children both biological and by marriage.  She has her own goals and dreams and aspirations but has always been and still is my biggest cheerleader.  I do not even have the words to convey how much she inspires in me the desire to be damn near perfect, because she has never asked me to be.

I love her more today than I did two months after this picture was taken, I will love her more even tomorrow.  And even more later.  My biggest goal for this year, if I can give back to her anything is on December fourth of this year, is to be lighter than the man in this picture, with the spark back in my eye and pulling her along on some stupid adventure, with the mustaches,

Happy birthday my love.



The One Where I am Sublimely Happy (32 / 365)

Orange Tank Top?  Check!

Orange Tank Top? Check!

My youngest son, biologically speaking (I have one more younger as part of my Yours, mine and Ours deal) is about four and one-half hours away from being in Las Vegas for a month, and for that I am sublimely happy today.  Maybe that will carry me through a 45 minute bike ride; OR, 30 minute bike and 15 minute treadmill?  Wow, how inspiring.


The One Where I am Free (29 / 365)

Cue up Lee Greenwood and get his ass out here singing

Cue up Lee Greenwood and get his ass out here singing

Yes, today is America’s “Birthday” in so much that Christmas is Jesus’ “Birthday”.  Today is not a day to complain about the government or the system or how bad America has fallen; you come into my house on my birthday and start talking shit, i kick you out.

This post is not so much about weight loss or motivation, but rather to give thanks that we live in a country that it is OK to drive you car to the gym to get on a stationary bike, or a treadmill.  It is OK to think that a Diet Coke offsets the 1200 calorie burger and fries.  We are proud in america because we built this country (after we stole it, I guess, twice) with our own damn hands and we should be proud, but we also need to remember what it is about to be humble, the scrappy underdog, and get some of that mojo back so people around the world will love us again.

I am talking to you sir, there is no need to go to France wearing your American and Proud hat, shirt and coat.  Bring it down a notch and maybe you won’t think the French are that snooty (like you told me last time you were there); I happen to love the French.

Here is a list of 6 things I thought of this morning that I love about America:

1) Baseball – Especially the Cubs.  Any other sport without a championship in 115 years would have been sold, but not the Cubbies – They represent all that is American Underdoggedness.
2) Buffets – Come on, I know I am working on losing weight but a buffet is a thing of beauty.  Let’s say I want an eggroll, fried chicken, a taco and a doughnut without making four stops?  Perfect.
3) National and State Parks – Wow, I love the outdoors and can’t weight (see what I did there?) to lose a little more and the heat to come down so I can explore places like Arches, Zion, Grand Canyon (the ones in my back yard to start).
4) Multiple Cultures – Look, I am not for ILLEGAL immigration, but those that are really against it seem to be all about the timing of it, right?  But legal immigration is awesome.  We are a melting pot, we are so much better for having friends from all over th globe to teach us their culture, food, loves and ethos.
5) 7-11 – I think it is still owned by an Pac-Asian company, but having worked there and shopped there for years, I still remember to this day as a youth when 7-11 closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but no more.  Make sure to thank those who work there on those days, especially Christmas when you realize you forgot four double “A” batteries and go to buy them for $8.79
6) Music – of ALL kinds, except dubstep.  We are a musical frakking culture.  I love Rock and Roll, We built this city on rock and roll, rock and roll hoochie coo.  I love guitar, DJ, and wailing lyrics man, I am frutie for the music.  Every culture has their own, but see point 4 above, we have taken music from other cultures and made it our own.  I mean Ravi Shankar?  I loved him and his daughter and then be able to go listen to Ted Nugent in the same breath.  Wow.

So Bless us today on our national holiday; go get a quick workout in, or hell, a long hike.  Then spend the day with loved ones – find them, anywhere, and share what you love about today.  I plan on family,a  beer or two, burgers and sparklers (and my wife dancing around like a pixie with her camera getting the shot, she has been thinking and planning this for days).  Namaste.

The One About Regret (21 / 100)

The ONLY Denali I can afford

The ONLY Denali I can afford

There she is, my passion in better times.  Now she sits out on my porch with a flat gathering dust.  I am ashamed and saddened every time I see her.  i have got to admit, it is become easier to live through the adventures of others than to gt off my own fatass.  That is my new trademarked word, fatass.  There is a mile of difference between wanting and doing, and I am slowly learning that at the pace of molasses being poured out over a straight razor.  Too slowly.  I still end most days with a coke, a smile and maybe a doughnut, CAUSE I EARNED IT.  Lame.

Regret can be real, dangerous and deceiving.  But it can also teach us things.  the act i have only recently learned is that it is best to let go of regrets as soon as possible.  I actually learned it years ago from the friends of Bill W. but it means more to me today than it did in my fledgling sobriety, oddly.

Regrets can run the table from not thinking something through and making assumptions, or telling someone something that you shouldn’t or doing something stupid.  It can be for not doing things either; but we are all human and  we all have our regrets.  In order to heal myself mentally, i am going to list some of mine, in order to purge them from my attic once and for all:

I regret:
Not demanding $1000 up front and a pistol 20 years ago, before he skipped town.  Sonofabitch.
Not calling my dad, dad, until I was an adult
Not being as close to my kids as I should
Not being careerwise where i should
Watching the movies Mama, Last Exorcism and god forbid I am sure I will watch it soon, Last Exorcism 2
Not playing soccer more
Not being athletic
Not following through on my writings 20 years ago
Not riding my bike near enough

Funny thing is, we can look back and say yep, should have gone left but went right.  We always have way better hindsight.  Looking at this list of regrets makes me feel better.  No it is not complete, but looking at these, about 4 of them I can change easy, very easy and that is what I am going to do.

Honestly, I have a long way to go, and i cannot even look how far I have come because I am still in the starting blocks, even 3 weeks into this project.  admittedly, stalling, but not stopping.  Today though, even though I am not showing it, I am happier than I have been in a while.  Namaste.


The One Where I keep Dozing Off While Writing (18 / 365)

They say never work wit kids (and neither of us know how to brush our hair)

They say never work wit kids (and neither of us know how to brush our hair)

Just a quick post tonight; it’s late and as the title says, I keep dozing (literally, I started this post 23 minutes ago).  I included my daughter in today’s pic because she is my youngest and has been extra loving to me this weekend,  maybe she recognizes too that Dad needs a lift this weekend.  And, just by her being in the pic, I look better.

i am sleepy a lot and that is probably mostly due to Apnea, but it is also because I need to crank the intensity of my workouts up a bit and also spend that time at night in recovery mode.  We forget that recovery is sometimes more important than activity.  GET YOUR SLEEP ON

One thing I saw on a partner Fitfluential blog out there this week is to post your training plan once a week and then asses, lightly without going too crazy (like my blog use to); so here is my plan for 6/24 to 6/30:

Mon / Fri – 40 minutes bike / Abs
Tue / Thu – 2 resistance circuits
Wed – 26 m HIIT Bike
Sat – 60+m bike low intensity

So that is my kick ass plan for this week, i am going to spend the rest of tonight visualizing that I am doing it.  Kicking ass and taking names.  Namaste.


The One Where I am Half In (11 / 365)

Half man Indeed!

Half man Indeed!

Kind of the story of my day.  Half the day was beautiful, family, love, Father’s Day, motivation, inspiration….

…The second half was aggravation, tension, grumpiness.  I guess I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too, today.  I blame nobody but me and expect nobody but me to resolve my own grumpiness.  As it should be, right?  Probably because all of the celebration food I indulged in, as well as no gym.  My fault entirely, now I got’s to do better tomorrow.

See you on the Work-a-Day Monday friends, Namaste.

Oops, I Effed up Mother’s Day

Mothers Day 2013 went down as an unbridled failure. Somewhere along the day I and the kids just did not bring the funk or fun, and I feel we left something on the bench and not on the field. I told Amanda, who confirmed it with an unanimous, “That’s OK, I don’t need it”.


I went back over the days events and thought; breakfast? Check. Coffee? Check. Alone Time for mama? Check. Nap Time for dad? Check. No flowers? Check. Wait a goddamn minute here, I think I see what is going on, maybe when I suggested Armageddon for the movie to watch as a family, I was thinking of only myself…

I blew it this year. I have learned my lesson. No matter what me, mothers day is not just about your own mom, but if you have someone in your house that wipes the ass of anyone shorter than two feet, you better make today damn well about her too. Let me lay down some advice from someone who should know better, what with five kids and all:

  1. It doesn’t matter what type of income family you are, you make sure she has flowers. Pretty ones that you give to her while kissing her and telling her you love all that she has done for your family.
  2. It doesn’t matter what, but get those damn kids to make her something to unwrap. A fucking macaroni portrait of her favorite Son of anarchy (I am betting Jax on this), it matter little.
  3. Do not suggest Armageddon as the mothers day family movie
  4. do not tell her that you were thinking of her while stroking one out earlier
  5. Breakfast in bed or at the table with a card is ALWAYS a good start, but bringing home pizza is not her idea of a romantic dinner
  6. No matter what says a trip to the storage shed is NOT a romantic getaway.

So, even though I blasted my two boys in Salt Lake with righteous indignation for not even texting Amanda, I still blew it. The mother of 3/5ths of my kids is the most amazing thing on Earth, and I treated it like it was lazy Sunday

I apologize Amanda, sincerely and with a sad heart. I am not good at this husband thing, there is a reason outside of the evil of previous wives that you are number three. I am just not very good at this, no matter how much I love you. And I do, every second of every day you are the best thing in my life.

So I blew it today, there will be next year, and I will probably screw up your birthday too. But that is why I love you, you forgive my stupidity and faults. Happy mothers day boo. I love you,.