The Have and the Have Not Knot

A fellow blogger of mine and I must be on the same wavelength, Awesome Ashilde (sorry my friend, I do not know how to add the diactric ūüė¶ ), posted about the power of positive thinking and visioning called “What Can the Power of Your Mind Do?“; ¬†Take a few moments and go check out her blog and then come back to this one. ¬†Pretty awesome stuff eh? ¬†Pretty bad pun there ¬†forgive me.

For the past few weeks, since the end of May, I had been trying to figure out why I was not getting anywhere with my weight loss journey.  I was about to start my Weightloss 365 project, I was a member of Gym-Pact and going to the gym at least 4 times a week but still not losing, and in fact, I had gained a couple more.  Looking back, we were still not key on the food side and that was a big part of it, but an even bigger part goes back over 16 months now.  Probably to October 2011.

That was the month I stopped seeing me as a triathlete, a runner, a climber, a hiker or fitness rat.  Instead my vision changed to that of husband and father at 40.  And it scared me, it brought me a lot of stress, fear, doubt and anger at times.  Of COURSE this was in addition to all of the love, happiness, gladness, excitement and hope that overwhelmed the others like 4 to 1, but it was still a seed and my vision plan of Mike fell to the side.

When you are planning something big you simply cannot get off plan.  I had gotten just over halfway to my goal weight in a little over 1 year.  I had lost over 120 pounds in 13 months, that is freaking huge and I had so much more on my plate but decided I could focus on myself less and less and focus on the other roles first.

When we see professional athletes or musicians that are literally at the top of their game, what do we think?  sometimes we think arrogance and ego and we would not be wrong.  There is so much work to be the best at your game that you have to put yourself first and for right or wrong, sometimes that causes these men and women to make bad choices and cheat at their sport, or in their personal life.  But at the core of what they were doing, putting themselves and their game first, was absolutely correct.

Let me ask you a question, if you are out of shape and not taking care of yourself before ALL other things, how are you going to be around to take care of everything else? ¬†You won’t be.

That was what I had forgotten, before my wonderful marriage and baby with Amanda it was easy, I was alone and could and would put my needs above all others. ¬†I still have to, just tempered down a notch and I have to remember it’s not going to be as easy as it was before. ¬†But I still can do it. ¬†I don’t blame anyone or expect anyone sympathy for my loss of vision, that is what vision is, it belongs to the owner so nobody can take it away. ¬†I alone lost it.

Think about Christian prayer, Wiccan spellcasting, pre-game drills and rituals, rally caps. ¬†What do all of these have in common? ¬†They are all part of the vision process and allow us to creatively see what we want, focus energy on it and make it happen, and believe me when I say i have cast a few spells and got EXACTLY what i wanted even though maybe I wasn’t 100% on target to what i wanted.

By seeing myself as a triathlete in making, a hiker and climber, I had  become these things.  I was riding my bike everywhere, I had taken up running and was looking for a swim team to learn to swim.  I was hiking at least every few weeks, both urban and nature, and was well on my way to climbing by the end of 2012.  Then my vision changed as I mentioned and I saw myself as father, husband and breadwinner.  I have to incorporate my earlier vision into my current vision.

To make this long post come to a close, last week I began to see myself as father, husband, breadwinner, triathlete in making, climber, hiker, and cheerleader for my kids and family and continue to use POSITIVE voice instead of NEGATIVE voice, I have made some folks smile, made a new friend or two and weight wise have lost over 5 pounds this week.  That is amazing and part of my vision.  The most awesome thing about this, is that creative visioning is self-perpetuating.

What do I mean?  The more I see myself in the way I want to be seen, the easier it is to meet my short to intermediate goals and when I meet those goals, it is easier to see myself in the way I want to be seen and so on.  Amazing!  It works.

So for this week I challenge YOU to post one positive thing in social media, to workout at least three times this week and more importantly, come up with one positive light to see yourself in this week and make it happen.  I KNOW you can do this, I can see it in you.

Before I forget to all those who are fathers or “fathers” or fathers to be, happiest of all fathers day to you. ¬†It is the unsung hero of our generation who makes his kids feel like they can achieve anything.

Namaste.

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Happy Birthday Baby Girl

I had a blog post all written up to celebrate TMIFriday, or my penis, or weightloss or some other randomness, but if you will indulge me…

Dear Ayden,

It has been a long time since I wrote to you.  First, let me just say, Happy Birthday princess.  You are one year old today and though that means nothing to you yet, it means that you survived.  Infant mortality rates ONLY go up from here, and what?  With all the damn co-sleeping you insist on, and knowing your in-home brother and sister, well, this is nothing short of a miracle.

 Back on 2010 when I met your mom, my whole world was turned upside down.  I didn’t know that the deep seed in the back of my head that was you would come to be.  I barely was able to kiss your mom without her intervention on our first date.  Your mom rocks my world, then and now (when you let me have any time with her, that is.  You are a jealous baby).

 I thought that if I met the right woman, I’d be OK with having a baby.  I wasn’t going out and trying to make you, but if the worlds aligned, I wasn’t going to bitch too much.  Well, we found out on a quiet night in September of 2011 that you would be joining us.  Your mom told me she already knew because of a tarot reading, but this was empirical proof you were going to be in our life.

¬†At the time we called you Gummy, because that is what you looked like, an effing gummy bear.¬† The whole time in the early stages, I was whispering on the wind that I hoped you were a girl.¬† I prayed, and hoped you would be my little girl.¬† Mommy wanted a boy, and did everything she could to thwart daddy‚Äôs attempt at wishing you into a girl.¬† The good news is, that the Goddess likes daddy more and I remember when the sonogram technician said, ‚Äúthere is the hamburger parts, and it‚Äôs a girl‚ÄĚ.¬† I have no idea to this day what that means, but I got and still get a tear in my eye when I think of that moment.¬† So perfect, it was as if all my dreams were coming true.

 One thing you don’t know about your mom is that she is the perfect baby incubator; I am now calling her the Iron Womb.  We had an uneventful pregnancy and even the doctor, Dr. Garg. Was surprised at how you just kind of shot out of mommy.  Your aunt Amy was there, and that was probably the last time you saw her, but after the doctor, I was the first to get to hold you.  Before mommy, before the nurse, before anyone else, I got to hold my little girl.  Ten toes, ten fingers and you opened your eyes and looked at me for the briefest of seconds with all that gross womb shit stuck to you.  Gross.

¬†The year has flow by baby.¬† It has been 20 months since you changed me forever.¬† I will be an ‚Äúold father‚ÄĚ and that is my only regret.¬† But I will be there for you princess, every day in every way you need me.¬† It is the same promise I have made to your older brothers and sister, even though they need me less and less these days as they get older.¬† But you, I‚Äôve got you for at least a few years all to me, and I am going to take them and love the shit out of you.

 Happy birthday princess,
Love,
Dad

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