The One Where I Am Small (42 / 365)

Hello Kitty, meow.  Wow, I am a dork.

Hello Kitty, meow. Wow, I am a dork.

Small victories.  In life we have choices, my boss likes to say arbitrary things like “Chose the hill you want to die on”, especially when I am asking for something at work, or when he is defending our work.  It implies a large battle, the opposite of a small victory.  What is the difference between a major and a minor victory?  Not as much as you’d think.

Weight loss for one is an ongoing string of small victories.  It is fighting for each pound and recognizing EVERY choice you make impacts that line. It is knowing that you are in it for life and the race may never end, you may have to run this marathon the rest of your life.

Thinking of weightless as a large victory means you are on a diet, and chances are, you probably will gain it back.

Small victories commonly have huge payoffs, big rewards in emotional well-being and satisfaction, even if sometimes it is a little smug.  Early on in my weight loss, I would turn down alcohol or cake for example, and wonder why I was better than those around me.  The smugness wore off, but the feeling of pride that I was able to maintain my choices made me feel awesome.

That became my problem.  For me, three years ago now, I knew that I just had to move and stop eating pizza every day.  I did it for a week and it was a small victory that felt huge.   I started putting together strings of these little wins and realized I was creating a big win.  But then my focus became like a gambler.  If you have ever gambled or been addicted to gambling big, you will know this feeling.  Why bet $1.00 and win $1-$2 at a time, if I bet $50, I will win $50. 

That is how my weight loss turned, I stopped cheering for my small victories like my ex-wife’s jaw dropping when she saw that I had lost over 110 pounds when we bumped into each other, or, the first day I was able to ride my road bike all the way to work and home and I didn’t feel like dying.  These were huge in reward and payoff, but still little wins.  I traded them in though for the big win, and I crapped out. 

I LET life happen to me and allowed myself to accept loss, and chose poorly.  I am fat again solely on the bad choices I have made for the last twenty months.  It is time again to relish and love the small rewards, and in fact love ALL of the small things in my life, again.  It is getting in the pool and swimming four laps in good form.  It is finishing out a 40 minute indoor bike ride.  Hell at this point, I will take showing up at the gym as a small victory.

I just told my wife I needed a small win, and she asked what kind.  I hope this answered her.  It is now my responsibility to go get it.

Namaste.

 

 

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The One Where I am 10% (36 / 365)

Early morning loving

Early morning loving

Actually 9.86%, but who is counting?

I posted yesterday about being in a hurry, and I am going to continue on that thread.  Today, my wife and I woke up really early, and so did everyone else it appears.  I have been thinking I am behind, if that is possible, in my weight loss and I need to hurry things up.  That is preposterous.  Indeed, I am a not doing everything I can do right now to get to where I want to be in 329 days, but I have time; but it must start today.

I find that if you try to hurry your weight loss or have TOO lofty of a weight loss goal, you will lose weight but it comes back – the Yo-Yo effect.  Also, skinny is not fit.  I am looking to be fit.  I want to have the body I need to do triathlon, surf, bike, run, play with my kids and hike the shit out of these here mountains.  I don’t need to be skinny, I need to be healthy and fit.

I am not in a hurry, not should I be.  I am hoping to average 2.5-3 pounds weekly over the course over the year.  of course at first i will be losing more like 5-6 pounds, but that tapers off pretty damn fast, and that is something not to hurry.

I am also not in a hurry to see these two girls grow up.  Sooner than later, they will be driving, dating, marrying, get pregnant, etc.  I do not think my heart is ready for that.  Today diapers, tomorrow a shotgun.  These are two of the many reasons for me that I want to lose weight.

Namaste.

The One That Starts July (26 / 365)

#damnsonyouaintthicknecksierthanme

#damnsonyouaintthicknecksierthanme

Happy July 1st.  I bring this to you 2 hours (pacific) before the day becomes the 2nd, what can I say sometimes I am a procrastinator.  I had my wife help me with this picture, and wow, unflattering even from behind, but there is a message in my pic for today.

I am coming to the close of my first 30 pic-a-day sessions, that is nearly ten percent done and I kind of hoped I’d be closer to five percent on my way to my goals.  But I am not, and I am actually OK with that.  Over the last 26 days, I have learned a lot about my motivations to lose weight, what I want to do when I get there, my wife and children’s needs and roles on this path and the haters role; a hater hates through action and inaction, those that struggled with me on this road and those that do not will be remembered accordingly, ominous but true.  One of the first things we have to do to get and stay healthy is surround ourselves with those that are healthy.

This picture is me looking toward the horizon.  As you can see, even though the blur, there are a lot of things in my path to the horizon.  I believe a fence is in there, houses, all the miles and hell, even a port-a-potty.  It is not easy, it is not always fun, but it is something I am determined to do.  Thank you all for sticking with me, but especially my wife for putting up with the changes I am going through as I adjust back to trying to be a healthier and happier me.  I am going to post my goals for July in a moment, but it is  MOTIVATION MONDAY and I want to take a moment to speak about someone that has motivated me and it took me a bit to realize it.

I am blessed to have a wonderfully funny, charming and kind father-in-law in Mark G.  He married Amanda’s mom a little more than a year ago and has been a big part of our life.  Not only has he learned to love us, and that is tough to do, but he genuinely enjoys us and takes time with me, Amanda and the kids.  Along the way, Mark has lost a lot of weight, you can see it in his demeanor; he looks much healthier and happier than when I met him, while I unfortunately have been going the other way.  Every morning Mark has a post on Facebook either just before or just after I wake up (and I am an early riser) thanking God and offering blessings and lessons.  Theologically, Mark and I are on the opposite side of the compass, but he still takes time to pray for me and my family, share his faith and that my friends is the true inspiration.  Mark is teaching me how to be kind again and have faith in something outside of my control.  I do not think I will fallow the religion of Christianity again in my life, but the lessons he shares help me to live a life of gratitude, joy and love.  Mark, I really appreciate you.

Mark is very humble and would say it is God’s will he has lost weight and that is fine, and Mark even if you feel that Jesus is on the treadmill or walking with you, I am still proud of the work you have put in on yourself even if the reasons and means are very different.  Keep being you, you are a blessing and I am going to take you up on the guy’s day at the movies soon.

That my friend is the lesson for July for me.  Gratitude.  How can I share it better, live it more and love it longer?  My goals for this month will reflect that, and here they are:
1) Career – Yes, sometimes the day to day of my job sucks guano.  But I have a job that takes care of my family and I will work this month on responding with gratitude instead of negativity to the bad that comes.

2) Fitness – I will be grateful for any weight loss this month, but am shooting for 15 pounds

3) Family – One of the things I did not get a lot of when I grew up was family time.  I sometimes feel that I do not get a moment of silence between work and bed, but Amanda really does try to let me.  This month, I will be grateful for my kid’s special traits and ensure that we spend time as a family more than once a week doing something together.  This month my younger son, Adam, will be joining us from Utah so that makes it even more dope.

4) Cycling – I have been bored on the bike at the gym, I will learn to be grateful that I CAN cycle indoors and get in shape by riding 200 miles on the indoor trainer this month

5) Amanda – Amanda is my gift from the Goddess and sometimes I reward her for loving me by being a passive aggressive jerk, jealous and blue.  I will show her how grateful I am that she is in my life this July

I think those are pretty good goals.  Of course, my pic-a-day project “Weight loss 365” will continue daily and not so wordy, but this IS my first post of the month.

I am grateful that you take a few moments to stop by, it is an awesome feeling to know that even for a moment, someone else read my words and felt a reason to click “like” or “follow”.  This path of weight loss can be ugly, but it doesn’t have to be lonely.  Namaste.

The One With the Fresh Fade (24 / 365)

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller

A face only a mother could love, or someone with vision problems.  Actually, this is my favorite picture of myself out of all 24 so far.  Why?  Well, I am still shirtless, but I DO believe two things; First, I have thinned a LITTLE in the face and that is due to my mediocre work up until now.  like my post yesterday said, though, now comes the hard part, emotionally I am UP, so now to ride it out.

Second thing i like?  I cut my own hair and I think it looks bad ass, I clean up well.  No Flowbie, no vacusuck, just Mike and an industrial razor, hells to the yes.  I thought about going all the way, but then I’d look like fester.  I try to conceive of a rock and roll haircut and grow it out, but it gets to a point where I cannot stand it, and since my usual $22.00 + tip at SportsClip is out this week, I took it upon myself to cut me.  Yes, there are  a lot of uneven parts Amanda will clean up, and it has been 30 years since I last cut my own hair, but like this blog says, dream big.

I believed I could cut my own hair, I executed through vision and gut, and really, I could show up to work Monday and people would notice that I was not so shaggy.   Good job Mike.

Now, if I can harness this same good feel on the bike tomorrow morning at 24 Hour Fitness.

Truly, and lastly, a thank you to all the folks coming out and following or liking my blog.  This is a year-long journey and we have a road ahead, but you keep me coming back every day.  Tomorrow is a day I am going to conquer.  You too, conquer and own the day and your own self NOW, Namaste.

Have you ever cut your own hair?  What were the results?

Now is Not the Time to Give Up

Dear Mike,

So, you’ve had a bad week.  Everyone at work thinks you are a joke and you are getting tired of fighting the battles.  You are tired of being broke, sad and ignored.  You want to give up and those around you are telling you, don’t look how far you have to go, look how far you’ve come.  And it sounds a lot easier than it is.

You want to visualize yourself 180, 150, 100, 50, 20 hell 10 pounds lighter but all you see is that fat guy that just ate  Roberto’s even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t.  You want to quit.

You want to give up, again.  You can get a doughnut and a coke now that you have given up.   you don’t want to go to the gym anymore.  Right?

Wrong; listen up cupcake.  Everyone has bad days and their own shit they are going through.  Even at home, maybe you aren’t hearing what is going on in your wife or kids worlds cause you are too busy bitching about your own.  Be grateful you have a wife and kids and friends that give advice, cause it is a lot harder without someone to love on you.

You ate a bad meal, so what.  Look, statistics prove that one cheat meal is not going to ruin you, YOU ARE NOT ON A DIET, you are making better lifestyle choices all around and working toward living your goal.  Sure, you’ve got a long road, and you are barely starting.  Sure your clothes piss you off cause they don’t fit, but look, you know what to do, and think about it.  Nobody EVER said living right was easy.  In fact mostly they say the opposite.

Do you want this given to you, or do you want to pay the dues in sweat equity?  I am on the same road, and sadly this ain’t my first trip but I know for certain, every rep, every minute, every drop of sweat, every right over wrong thing in your body, every ounce of pain, every bit of effort you put into it is worth it.  Yes, it frakking sucks, but in the end, damn, it is worth it.

Get to the gym, sweat out Roberto’s and you will forget this week at work when the endorphins kick in.  Namaste.

The One Where I Won (14b / 365 )

Oooooh, lucky reader, you get what we call a twofer today.  Happy Hump Day.  Here is the special occasion:

I probably should at least TRY to come my hair from, time to time

I probably should at least TRY to comb my hair from, time to time

I follow Rebekah on her continuing fitness journey and fellowship with her community of folks already at or still working toward reaching their goal(s) over at TheHeavyWeightRunner.Com and she recently had a giveaway for a Polar FT4 heart rate monitor.  ironically and she did not know this, I had been really thinking about purchasing one to provide my workout and training toward triathlon the boost and accuracy I needed.  So this was wonderfully timed and SOOOOOOOO appreciated.  Thanks Rebekah.

For my 5 readers, please, take a few moments and take a look at her blog then LIKE her on Facebook at this link, it is an amazing community and wonderful input, tips, and posts daily from Rebekah and other community members.

Namaste

The One Where I say “Enough Planning” (13 / 365)

Ohhhhhh, Spooky

Ohhhhhh, Spooky

So, they planned on building a big ass boat that couldn’t be sunk.  They also planned on conquering the Russian front in winter.  They also planned on opening their dream coffee house in Downtown Las Vegas ahead of the coming boom.  This is a picture of me planning my 2014 Sprint Tri Training Run.  BUT, like the other plans, they are only words on a paper unless I get up tomorrow at 5:30, get to the gym for my daily AM cardio.

Visualize the gym, the bike, the ride, the sweat, the pain, the desire to stop cause your fat, the enemy creeping up your ass telling you you aren’t good enough.   Visualize you kicking the enemy in the balls and going for 5 more minutes, because you are a bad ass and stronger than your fat.  Imagine the stretching in the sauna, how your muscles will soften and stretch and feel so good.

Visualize you being stronger than you were when you entered the gym, and you fucking know it.  Allez Mike, Allez.

You can do it too, you are a bad ass, and stronger than you ever thought possible.  Tell me how it goes tomorrow, motivate my fat ass.  Namaste.