Love, 5:30 AM Style

I am just going to jump right in.  It has been some time since I posted in this blog; I thought sincerely about starting a new blog with a whole new name, but this blog is a perfect testament to the man I was and the road I was at tyrannically fighting against myself.  It is full of plans and goals and ‘motivation’, but ultimately it is filled with self-deception. Pleae feel free to look back over my soul as you want.

In February, I nearly died. Weighing in at just north of 417 pounds, I stopped breathing and had to be intubated.  Luckily, this happened while at the hospital already for a broken and split toe.  9 days later, I had a decision.  Continue on the path I had been or stop always junk talking and actually do some shit about it.

Currently I am at 296 pounds and coming off of a small back step week.  I have learned this week that it is very easy to let mediocrity slip back in when you lose focus even for a moment.  Those individuals like Mia Hamm, Michael Jordan, Warren Buffet, Bill Clinton, Jack Donaghy, Kermit the frog and the list goes on and on, stay on focus nearly 100 % of the time, never losing track of what they want and are willing to sacrifice all else to get there.

I am not there, yet – But I am working at it, so I put this little slip back to bed and I start today, Father’s Day, with a Goddess blessing for all fathers and people who struggle; may joy find you today and may it manifest in your thought, word and deed one hundred fold.  Thanks dad, for everything you are and everything you taught me, sorry it took 35 years to sink in.

Peace my friends, peace and love.

Top of his game, baby!

Top of his game, baby!

Changes

Life is and always has been about choices and the impact they make on us. It’ like they say, if a cow farts in Iowa, an angel burns in Japan. Or something like that, I CHOSE not to remember. I am struggling in my professional life. I am being put out to pasture and I can feel it, for someone like me who is a triple-A personality, this bugs the living shit out of me. I hate feeling useless, lifeless, used up and patronized. I would rather be fired than strung along. How it is my fault that we lost the respect we did baffles my mind. I received little to no leadership from above when I specifically asked for it and was hung out like a whipping boy, possibly intended. I was made to do it to another, and I missed it when it came for me. I see my previous friends being made to beg borrow and steal to be where I was; so now I am being kept busy. Put out to pasture.   No clout, like it is my first day on the job. I can totally feel my throat closing and my blood pressure rising right now, awesome.

Personally, I am not in a position to start my own business, so I am limited to my choices. I see that I have exactly two choices. Quit and go back to Utah, which sounds effing fantastic. But I’d still need to find a job, and I really do not want to start over. Or two, become a fucking rock star again. You tell me I need to lose 200 pounds to fit in? Eff you, I will lose 205. You tell me to wear a tie from time to time? Eff you, every day. Under commit, over deliver. Sit-down, shut up and yes sir, 24/7. Welcome the new Mikey H. Stabber of backs, builder of fiefdoms. Uber wizard of data.

I have been played as a pawn under the fiefdom here, well, they haven’t taken me and when I get to the other side of the board, and I can be a queen. A HUGE raging thunder queen! Wait, wait. That is not sounding the way I want it. I can be a KNIGHT, with QUEEN powers, YES! Super knight. Super knight travels the board in pentacle patterns, or “A” patterns or whatever shitty pattern Super Knight feels like. Super knight will master his self-discipline, not be tardy, not call in – will sit through meetings and learn and learn and learn, and when he is ready, pounce!

Super Knight will invest with fervor into his fully vested 401 k plan so that when and if the day comes that his fiefdom is sacked, he will be left laughing, hauling his bag of gold to some kind of IRA or Roth plan or invest in his own business… Bwahahahaha.

Super Knight will shave every mother freaking day of the week. You want his face smooth as a baby’s but you sick weirdo? You got it, go on, touch it, feel the smoothness. Gross, you freak, I was making allegory.

I will be the quintessential first man in last man out daily; projects will be overrun by Super Knight. VP’s will want him, AVP’s will want to be him and the day will come, when the fiefdom smiles down on Super Knight and says, “Today is your day Super Knight, we are promoting you to AVP”, and Super Knight will look up from his data, and yell “NEVERMORE” and thrust his keyboard into the heart of the beast and the land will be free.

And then Super Knight, avenged of Mike, will go home, pack his things and trek back to Utah with his family in tow, singing praises of his name.

Yeah, I think that is exactly how it will go.

Donner, party of…Oh my

I have gone no where, fan.  Yes, delusional, I hold the hope that somewhere out there I have a blogfan just waiting for my next genius post.  I have not gone anywhere, but I have had the largest case of writers block, direction, etc. for a long time.  I do not want this to be a boring fitness goals blog only or a fiction blog only or my rants only, but I need to case it together into an entertaining circus of words here for your entertainment and salve for my soul.  I am working on that and actually have some ideas, don’t be surprised for  real post later this week.  Until then, I’m watching

I always feel like, somebody's watching me

I always feel like, somebody’s watching me

The One Were I am Amazed (10 / 365)

Chilling after a 10:15 PM workout, cause sometimes that is what it takes (Work)

Chilling after a 10:15 PM workout, cause sometimes that is what it takes (Work)

My wife hates it when I thug up my pic, but I can’t help it, I am a four digit hustler, trying to make racks and stacks, all while swinging new jacks and stuff.  Actually, if you want to see what my life is like, this post over at an up and coming photographer’s website really captures two of the most important things to me, be careful, it is so gangster.

On a serious note, I am amazed and thankful and a little apologetic.  I have a theme for this blog and it is inspiration and motivation and documenting ME to truly learn to appreciate myself through mini posts about my day, with some longer posts spread in for good note on some days (One in the works for tomorrow), I call this my WeightLoss 365:  Sometimes Fitness isn’t Pretty.  Yesterday’s post, 9/365, i actually pulled off of FB, but left on WP for better or worse.  i was trying to be funny, but kind of went the other way from inspiring.  i stand by my work as a whole, so I left it up here, but after re-reading it, I sounded kind of pervey and juvenile.  And that is not the theme of this blog.

Why I am amazed is that after 7 days of working on myself mentally, not eating out and giving a meh effort in the gym (meaning this week I would rate on a 6 / 10 for overall good ness, where before it was a 2 or 3), I have lost 5.6 pounds.  I am amazed and thankfull to my friends and my wife and kids who are letting me learn to put myself at the front again.  You effing rock.

Namaste.

The One With the Awesome Hair (8/365)

After yesterday’s rant, I wanted to cool things down on today’s 365 picture.  I just really thought that my hair looked AWESOME waking up.

I don’t expect much change this week, friends, just know that I have started work on making me be the best me I can and I am guessing that within the next two to three weeks, we will see some drastic changes.  I love that you follow me, inspire me, motivate me just by being here and who you are.  Truly and from my heart, walk in peace.  Namaste.

Bwahahaha!  I love this look for me.  totally just woke up, and yowza, what a keeper!

Bwahahaha! I love this look for me. totally just woke up, and yowza, what a keeper!

The Uninspired One (5/365)

Yep. even creative people get lazy, ask Michael Bay (Hello?  See what I did there?)  I have some great daily pictures coming up, but today was kind of meeeeeeehhhhhh.  I did do very well on the food side today, but was very tired at the gym, and unlike my amigo Alex Russo, I could only give between 80-90%.

Kind of the story of my entire day; some days in a weight-loss journey of mega proportions, that is good enough though.

I promise a better post tomorrow.  Namaste.

4th picture of me in no shirt, what is wrong with me?  Someday you will beg for the shirtless photo

4th picture of me in no shirt, what is wrong with me? Someday you will beg for the shirtless photo

 

The sexy one (4/365)

Sometimes weight-loss isn’t so sexy, as I say, sometimes well, it just is.  This was not my original picture for the day, but my wife caught me oozing sublime sexiness over the breakfast table and I couldn’t help but share it.  Apparently, I do not like to wear shirts or comb my hair.  See you tomorrow, Namaste.

Stand back ladies, this one is married!

Stand back ladies, this one is married!