Oops, I Effed up Mother’s Day

Mothers Day 2013 went down as an unbridled failure. Somewhere along the day I and the kids just did not bring the funk or fun, and I feel we left something on the bench and not on the field. I told Amanda, who confirmed it with an unanimous, “That’s OK, I don’t need it”.


I went back over the days events and thought; breakfast? Check. Coffee? Check. Alone Time for mama? Check. Nap Time for dad? Check. No flowers? Check. Wait a goddamn minute here, I think I see what is going on, maybe when I suggested Armageddon for the movie to watch as a family, I was thinking of only myself…

I blew it this year. I have learned my lesson. No matter what me, mothers day is not just about your own mom, but if you have someone in your house that wipes the ass of anyone shorter than two feet, you better make today damn well about her too. Let me lay down some advice from someone who should know better, what with five kids and all:

  1. It doesn’t matter what type of income family you are, you make sure she has flowers. Pretty ones that you give to her while kissing her and telling her you love all that she has done for your family.
  2. It doesn’t matter what, but get those damn kids to make her something to unwrap. A fucking macaroni portrait of her favorite Son of anarchy (I am betting Jax on this), it matter little.
  3. Do not suggest Armageddon as the mothers day family movie
  4. do not tell her that you were thinking of her while stroking one out earlier
  5. Breakfast in bed or at the table with a card is ALWAYS a good start, but bringing home pizza is not her idea of a romantic dinner
  6. No matter what says a trip to the storage shed is NOT a romantic getaway.

So, even though I blasted my two boys in Salt Lake with righteous indignation for not even texting Amanda, I still blew it. The mother of 3/5ths of my kids is the most amazing thing on Earth, and I treated it like it was lazy Sunday

I apologize Amanda, sincerely and with a sad heart. I am not good at this husband thing, there is a reason outside of the evil of previous wives that you are number three. I am just not very good at this, no matter how much I love you. And I do, every second of every day you are the best thing in my life.

So I blew it today, there will be next year, and I will probably screw up your birthday too. But that is why I love you, you forgive my stupidity and faults. Happy mothers day boo. I love you,.