The One About Regret (21 / 100)

The ONLY Denali I can afford

The ONLY Denali I can afford

There she is, my passion in better times.  Now she sits out on my porch with a flat gathering dust.  I am ashamed and saddened every time I see her.  i have got to admit, it is become easier to live through the adventures of others than to gt off my own fatass.  That is my new trademarked word, fatass.  There is a mile of difference between wanting and doing, and I am slowly learning that at the pace of molasses being poured out over a straight razor.  Too slowly.  I still end most days with a coke, a smile and maybe a doughnut, CAUSE I EARNED IT.  Lame.

Regret can be real, dangerous and deceiving.  But it can also teach us things.  the act i have only recently learned is that it is best to let go of regrets as soon as possible.  I actually learned it years ago from the friends of Bill W. but it means more to me today than it did in my fledgling sobriety, oddly.

Regrets can run the table from not thinking something through and making assumptions, or telling someone something that you shouldn’t or doing something stupid.  It can be for not doing things either; but we are all human and  we all have our regrets.  In order to heal myself mentally, i am going to list some of mine, in order to purge them from my attic once and for all:

I regret:
Not demanding $1000 up front and a pistol 20 years ago, before he skipped town.  Sonofabitch.
Not calling my dad, dad, until I was an adult
Not being as close to my kids as I should
Not being careerwise where i should
Watching the movies Mama, Last Exorcism and god forbid I am sure I will watch it soon, Last Exorcism 2
Not playing soccer more
Not being athletic
Not following through on my writings 20 years ago
Not riding my bike near enough

Funny thing is, we can look back and say yep, should have gone left but went right.  We always have way better hindsight.  Looking at this list of regrets makes me feel better.  No it is not complete, but looking at these, about 4 of them I can change easy, very easy and that is what I am going to do.

Honestly, I have a long way to go, and i cannot even look how far I have come because I am still in the starting blocks, even 3 weeks into this project.  admittedly, stalling, but not stopping.  Today though, even though I am not showing it, I am happier than I have been in a while.  Namaste.



The One Where I keep Dozing Off While Writing (18 / 365)

They say never work wit kids (and neither of us know how to brush our hair)

They say never work wit kids (and neither of us know how to brush our hair)

Just a quick post tonight; it’s late and as the title says, I keep dozing (literally, I started this post 23 minutes ago).  I included my daughter in today’s pic because she is my youngest and has been extra loving to me this weekend,  maybe she recognizes too that Dad needs a lift this weekend.  And, just by her being in the pic, I look better.

i am sleepy a lot and that is probably mostly due to Apnea, but it is also because I need to crank the intensity of my workouts up a bit and also spend that time at night in recovery mode.  We forget that recovery is sometimes more important than activity.  GET YOUR SLEEP ON

One thing I saw on a partner Fitfluential blog out there this week is to post your training plan once a week and then asses, lightly without going too crazy (like my blog use to); so here is my plan for 6/24 to 6/30:

Mon / Fri – 40 minutes bike / Abs
Tue / Thu – 2 resistance circuits
Wed – 26 m HIIT Bike
Sat – 60+m bike low intensity

So that is my kick ass plan for this week, i am going to spend the rest of tonight visualizing that I am doing it.  Kicking ass and taking names.  Namaste.


Oops, I Effed up Mother’s Day

Mothers Day 2013 went down as an unbridled failure. Somewhere along the day I and the kids just did not bring the funk or fun, and I feel we left something on the bench and not on the field. I told Amanda, who confirmed it with an unanimous, “That’s OK, I don’t need it”.


I went back over the days events and thought; breakfast? Check. Coffee? Check. Alone Time for mama? Check. Nap Time for dad? Check. No flowers? Check. Wait a goddamn minute here, I think I see what is going on, maybe when I suggested Armageddon for the movie to watch as a family, I was thinking of only myself…

I blew it this year. I have learned my lesson. No matter what me, mothers day is not just about your own mom, but if you have someone in your house that wipes the ass of anyone shorter than two feet, you better make today damn well about her too. Let me lay down some advice from someone who should know better, what with five kids and all:

  1. It doesn’t matter what type of income family you are, you make sure she has flowers. Pretty ones that you give to her while kissing her and telling her you love all that she has done for your family.
  2. It doesn’t matter what, but get those damn kids to make her something to unwrap. A fucking macaroni portrait of her favorite Son of anarchy (I am betting Jax on this), it matter little.
  3. Do not suggest Armageddon as the mothers day family movie
  4. do not tell her that you were thinking of her while stroking one out earlier
  5. Breakfast in bed or at the table with a card is ALWAYS a good start, but bringing home pizza is not her idea of a romantic dinner
  6. No matter what says a trip to the storage shed is NOT a romantic getaway.

So, even though I blasted my two boys in Salt Lake with righteous indignation for not even texting Amanda, I still blew it. The mother of 3/5ths of my kids is the most amazing thing on Earth, and I treated it like it was lazy Sunday

I apologize Amanda, sincerely and with a sad heart. I am not good at this husband thing, there is a reason outside of the evil of previous wives that you are number three. I am just not very good at this, no matter how much I love you. And I do, every second of every day you are the best thing in my life.

So I blew it today, there will be next year, and I will probably screw up your birthday too. But that is why I love you, you forgive my stupidity and faults. Happy mothers day boo. I love you,.